March 26, 2009

Sunday Paper

In case you're like 90% of America, and no longer subscribe to your local newspaper (at least in print form...), then you may not be aware that As Seen On TV products not only advertise on late night cable TV during re-runs of Walker, Texas Ranger, but many also advertise in the Sunday paper in the coupon section. Producing and airing a TV spot costs $40,000 and up, but running an ad in the paper can reach millions of people for less than $5,000. What this means to you and me is that there are lots of funny products in the paper that never make it on to TV. Here's a snapshot of a few favorites from the past few weeks:

Amish Mantle

Have you ever been to Amish Country? I went there a few times in Ohio, when I was a kid. I remember hearing rumors about how they all pitch in to help each other out. For example, when a new, young Amish family needs a barn, the whole community pitches in to build it by hand in a week or two. There aren't very many barns in Amish country, so I also wondered what else they do. No longer! They spend their time hawking furnace mantles to be sold by the thousands across the country. I'm not one to judge, but how do they test the furnaces to make sure they work before sending them out. Without electricity, they can't plug them in!
Then, what do they do with all the money rolling in? That one's easier to answer:

Pimp out their buggies:

Off-Road buggies for crazy Amish weekends:
Sexy Grandma Sweatsuit

Blair is basically the Victoria's Secret designer for the sexy 70+ crowd. Because you can't always take your blanket with sleeves when you occasionally leave the house, there's Blair. Seduce the older gentleman in your life by keeping him awake after 4pm then strutting your stuff in sexy "light blue," sultry "spearmint" or what's sure to be his favorite, plain "pink." He won't be able to keep his eyes off the flowery bling on your jacket pockets. "Your satisfaction is our guarantee"...if you know what I mean.

If you order today, we'll ship a free pair of pantaloons. Yeah, that's right...FREE!

You'll be landing men like this before you can say "how do I return this sweatsuit?"


Post a Comment